Meena Waghray
Being a spiritual person I try to find meaning and essence in all aspects of life. Even in my work. Conflicts are natural and real in everyone’s life, I do not know anyone who does not have conflicts and everything is sorted and fine.
Some figure it out and some don’t. The focus here is on those real life disputes that arise from day to day existence, like the division of property, Divorce, Custody of children, Contract disputes, etc.,
My interest lies in ensuring that the disagreements, miscommunications that can be handled by talking must not reach the courts, they need to be nipped in the bud. They must not break relationships.
A spiritual person’s endeavor is to not get bogged down by turbulence of daily living, but find balance in challenges and look for that middle path. All issues cannot be resolved or sorted out, they are not black and white, there is a lot of gray.
Life is happening in between these spaces, these times are difficult and challenging while one is in it. Relationships, families, teams etc., all those who are caught in these unresolved matters either break or underperform.
The spectrums are wide, with one side is the past, regrets, remorse, rage, bitterness. The staying in this causes unhealthy and disturbed lives.The other spectrum is where the anxieties of the unknown future lead to deep distrust and fear. It is about the present moment. A mediator brings the people to the present moment and so does a Meditator.
Being a teacher of Yoga & Meditation with the Art Of Living for a decade, I find it fulfilling to guide people through the valuable practices of Pranayam and Sudarshan Kriya, they find inner peace and observe the present moment as a reality. This is all at the subtle level and has tremendous healing effects.
I draw the parallel in mediation, while addressing the intellectual, emotional and verbal related conflicts which need sorting by talking by communicating and expressing freely. And these need to happen in the right place that feels comfortable, free from judgment, prejudice and any bias, they share their innermost agony, pain, fears, accusations, their vulnerable selves. They heal.
Who is a mediator?
It is a person who is also called a “Neutral”, who has the quality of empathy, compassion, to listen without bias and any judgment or taking sides. The trained neutral, uses the standard international steps of mediation to facilitate a resolution that the people want.
The parties come in stressed and caught up in the conflicts, they fail to see the possibilities that could exist, that options exist and the mind simply does not see it.
The mediator steers such conversations from outbursts and shouting to polite and cordial exchanges, encouraging them to share stories and explore options to the situation they are in. They may reach deadends and the mediator steers them towards looking at the consequences.
The past is shed to a great extent and they start looking at the future with hope.To see the today that has to be valued. The Present.
My Experience
My experiences of mediation have been transformative, be it a legal matter or personal, the layers of issues that people have tend to surface as they speak. Most get a closure, you can see a sigh of relief on their faces. Misunderstandings of decades get cleared, (this is not an exaggeration) the suppressed emotions get an outlet and even if they would end with having to go to the court for the legal aspect they do so with maturity and clarity and for the limited purpose.
The ones that motivate me to go on are when parties hug each other, express apologies even if they don’t word them, when they come back for another mediation together to sort out further issues if any. One mediation where a huge joint families’ partition suits got settled in a few hours with the skill of the mediator, with an amicable division of properties stands out. (Another long post ) The joy and happiness of the siblings and the children was something else.
Often people ask me how many mediations were successful, I just cannot give numbers. To me every mediation is a success, when parties open up and share their innermost matters, they listen to each other, when they become silent in acknowledgement, when they decide to let go.
These endings where relationships are saved is a success to me, an apology and the decision to resolve without going to court is a success. If I have not been biased, not judged, and stayed calm that is a personal success. Mediation is where both parties win and that is worth striving for, isn’t it?
