Generating Options in Mediation
Having set the stage in mediation, the mediator moves seamlessly from one phase to another. Once trust is established, parties begin to open up. They share their stories—sometimes cautiously at first, then more freely.
I consider these moments as small victories in mediation. The final outcome is not the only measure of success. The real achievement is when people, who would otherwise remain guarded, begin to express themselves in a safe space. As a lawyer I have I have seen that no one speaks this openly in a courtroom or even in everyday life. But here, in mediation, the tangled threads of conflict start to unravel, and from the chaos, clarity begins to emerge—one thought at a time.
At this stage, there is less argument and more listening. The focus shifts from proving a point to understanding one another. Often, parties lose track of their original grievance. New issues arise, get acknowledged, and then fade away.
And then, when it feels like everything has been said, one might assume that mediation is complete. But this is where the mediator steps in and shifts the focus to the future. People caught in conflicts often do not look at the future, even if they do it just seems negative and hopeless. Often the conflicting situation consumes them so much that they cannot see any possibilities.
I ask the parties to generate options by asking these few questions.
“If you were to put all this behind you, what are three things you would do next?”
“Regardless of whether the outcome of this mediation is in your favor or not, what three things will you do?”
A little prodding may be needed, but the answers are often revealing. I may have to encourage them to say something that could even be fictitious. This is a nice stage where they may even wear a little smile and comeup with ideas that they both can do together.
Example
This was a business dispute between two former partners, from Mysore, the conversation started with accusations and resentment. As the mediation progressed, their anger softened. They talked about their shared struggles in building the business, their frustrations, and their regrets. By the time they reached the option-generation stage, I asked them:
“If this dispute were behind you, what would you do next?”
One of them, after some hesitation, said:
“I would focus on growing my new business instead of fighting this battle.”
The other added:
“I would actually want to avoid such messy partnerships in the future and be more careful in agreements.”
And then, after a pause, one of them said:
“I might even be open to collaborating on a project in the future — on better terms.”
That’s where mediation works its magic—not just in resolving conflicts, but in opening possibilities for the future. These situations make me all set for yet another mediation! 🙂
Send a message to indiamediates@gmail.com if you want to go for a mediation. We offer a FREE 1/2 hour session to explain the process to you.
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